Organ Sonnet 1

Until sent stepping down the pedals—scalar,
My feet were not sure of their footing here
But then, at once, my most pressing fear
Became naught but a small organ failure!

And once my frigid fingers found their note
I settled into newfound harmony
In a choir which turned much-loved company
And rendered far-off home not so remote.

But now, removed, another organ aches
To think of all I confess lies undone;
Not of my choosing, my heart once more breaks

—It beats the time of old chorales and makes
Pretend that there are present more than one—

Alone, though, none can hear its sad mistakes.

A small explanation:
I once wrote on my personal philosophy of “Theme and Variations,” the idea that I must identify the small things which make me feel at home, no matter where I may be. When I moved to California, it was finding a little church where I could play music. In Scotland, it was finding a church organist position.

Now, back home in Arizona, I am ironically feeling more displaced than ever. Yet again, though, an organist position came along to make me feel at least partly settled, partly useful and hopeful. Even as I auditioned for this new post, though, I could not help but think back on the one left unfinished, left behind sadly and suddenly in the impending wake of the COVID-19 crisis.

3 thoughts on “Organ Sonnet 1

  1. twenty-something May 29, 2020 / 9:21 pm

    I love the idea of identifying what makes you feel at home in different places! This post is beautiful, and I believe those of us with more sensitive personalities will be able to relate to it in some way.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Steven Thorn June 23, 2020 / 5:54 pm

    I did a study abroad at Brasenose College in Oxford during undergrad and found great comfort in playing a clavinova inside the college chapel in the still night hours.

    Much has been left unfinished because of COVID-19. It’s important to process and mourn even things that “seem unimportant” because they’re not life and death; they’re all important in their own way if they were ever worth doing at all.

    Liked by 1 person

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