Norwich, England Bleak Midwinter, 1275 Breaking news as progressive peasant, Eustace of Norwich, has bravely come out as the "Royal We." Eustace is long since deceased, but crews from the BBC just arrived on the scene because they got caught up trying to say "progressive peasant" five times fast. Fortunately, they were able to…
14 November 2019 Los Angeles, California A local young woman's birthday party took a shocking turn as she announced, in reply to well-wishers' shouts of "Surprise!" that she was not turning 23 at all, but would rather continue to live her best life as a 22-year-old. "I just couldn't see myself as a 23-year-old," said…
13 October 2019 Los Angeles, California- A local church choir has been thrust into the spotlight as reports are circulating that the choir director's eyebrows have been, prematurely, raptured. "It was truly a miracle," said long-time congregation member and greeter Jim Dennison. "I was sitting in the pews listening to the choir and suddenly I…
9 October 2019 Los Angeles, California Nearing the middle of October, spooky season is in full swing and Halloween celebrants across the nation are gathering their pumpkins, brooms, and ominous soundtracks in preparation for their night of revelry. Halloween has long been a time of community, of neighbors sharing chili on the front porch, children…
PHOENIX, ARIZONA- Polling of consumers leaving a current blockbuster film reveal that the best part of the movies are, indeed, the concessions. "But we don't just mean popcorn and jumbo sodas!" said customer relations director Jack Hughs. "It turns out that the concessions made by viewers are what allow them to enjoy almost any…
NEW YORK, NY- Prominent journal and book publishing company formerly known as Weakly Publishers has changed its title to "________ Publishers" in light of their new initiative, the 'Mad Lib Editions.' Books and journals formerly published by this company will be reprinted in new, special edition 'Mad Lib' format during this holiday season. Or, should…
OCTOBER, 2017: SCOTTSDALE, AZ- As families of children and teens work together to plan their annual Halloween festivities, one family is changing up their traditions, or, rather, continuing those began 500 years ago. "We don't celebrate Halloween," said Mrs. Geneva Knox, mother of four, as she welcomed reporters, sharing both her insights and her gluten-sugar-dairy-and-taste-free porridge…
Tens of students at a local college are suffering from varying degrees of starvation as the school dining service recently decided to cut pizza from its daily meal offerings. "I just don't know what else to do," sobbed one student, his stomach growling in agreement. "I mean, what am I supposed to do? I've been…
Friday, February 24, 2017: A family of four awoke to the terrible realization that what they thought was a luxury resort was actually a university. "When we did not receive a wake up call for our yoga class, we knew something was wrong," said Açai McBirkenstock, wife of Chase McBirkenstock and mother to daughters Kale…
Frustrations are on the rise at one California university as students and completely unrelated activists alike fight to end a perceived attack on student choice. The Second University of California has long held to its liberal values; it is a place known for its lack of enforcement of all antiquated ideologies, which administrators boast promotes a…
