My roommate once described me as "Stephen King trapped inside a Disney princess" and I think that sums up my personality nicely, though I would prefer to substitute Bradbury for King as I am not quite that dark... I am, however, a strange combination of intensity and flowery joy. I enjoy spending dark nights practicing…
Norwich, England Bleak Midwinter, 1275 Breaking news as progressive peasant, Eustace of Norwich, has bravely come out as the "Royal We." Eustace is long since deceased, but crews from the BBC just arrived on the scene because they got caught up trying to say "progressive peasant" five times fast. Fortunately, they were able to…
14 November 2019 Los Angeles, California A local young woman's birthday party took a shocking turn as she announced, in reply to well-wishers' shouts of "Surprise!" that she was not turning 23 at all, but would rather continue to live her best life as a 22-year-old. "I just couldn't see myself as a 23-year-old," said…
One of the great recurring dilemmas of my life is how to pick the perfect journal. Honestly, when it comes time to shop for a new journal, it feels like going on first dates: there are some options that look good but are boring, some that are perfectly nice but no spark, and some that…
My dear Mr. Dickens, I hope you are well and not at all rolling over in your grave. (It is, after all, nearing Christmas and renditions of your famous holiday tale are promenading before audiences who are mostly wondering whether they actually turned off the oven or whether the turkey they pretend to like is…
PHOENIX, ARIZONA- Polling of consumers leaving a current blockbuster film reveal that the best part of the movies are, indeed, the concessions. "But we don't just mean popcorn and jumbo sodas!" said customer relations director Jack Hughs. "It turns out that the concessions made by viewers are what allow them to enjoy almost any…
Expectation: Showing off your stellar vocabulary. Reality: Spending ten minutes trying to remember how to spell "potpourri" because you're too proud to look it up. Expectation: Writing elegant rhymes to express your emotion. Reality: Sounding like an angsty Dr. Seuss. Expectation: Writing free verse poetry that seems authentic and avant garde. Reality: Sounding like an angsty and, now, drugged…
NEW YORK, NY- Prominent journal and book publishing company formerly known as Weakly Publishers has changed its title to "________ Publishers" in light of their new initiative, the 'Mad Lib Editions.' Books and journals formerly published by this company will be reprinted in new, special edition 'Mad Lib' format during this holiday season. Or, should…
I was inspired this morning as I walked to practice piano for an upcoming recital... this would have been great, had I been inspired to practice. Rather, I was inspired to set the opening of Wordsworth’s The Prelude to music. My roommate (bless her) stopped me just in time: “Ryanne, if you write a melody and…
OCTOBER, 2017: SCOTTSDALE, AZ- As families of children and teens work together to plan their annual Halloween festivities, one family is changing up their traditions, or, rather, continuing those began 500 years ago. "We don't celebrate Halloween," said Mrs. Geneva Knox, mother of four, as she welcomed reporters, sharing both her insights and her gluten-sugar-dairy-and-taste-free porridge…
